Diana Kurniawan

I don't know what came over me, but lately, even with the outcome of the election, I have been grateful. Not knowing why, but I am grateful for the basic necessities I have and the things that have kept me working today and at this very moment. The retail job, the coworkers I have, the customers I come across and the paychecks I receive. I had such a great Sunday that a customer gave me a chocolate ice cream bar. Not knowing why, but she just gave it to me and told me that it was for my break. I was so honored to be the recipient of her gift and I was doubly happy after I ate the ice cream. 

My days aren't exciting, work then home and take care of my Mom, and my dog and then manage to have time to read, write and pray then I go to sleep at an early time. I need the rest but lately I have been sleeping late and that's probably why I have gotten the flu a couple of times but not enough to get me off work. Today, however, my bones hurt and I had a headache so I asked for the half day off and my Mom gave me a coin rub. I am, however, still grateful. 

I think with the grateful mentality, my days have gotten better. Nothing could steer me away from it and I am so happy that I finally have this perspective. I have eyes to see, ears to listen and hear, and an able body to keep working. I have a Mami who is getting older but the older she is, the more I enjoy taking care of her. I have a bed to sleep on and a house to let myself and my Mom live in, and we have heating which is a blessing, and running water which is even more precious. 

I look at the world today and I saw there are still so many wars and it has been going on for a very long time, with more atrocious crimes and evils towards the innocent people and children. If I had the means to help more than just the small amount of dollars I gave to Choose Love, I would. I am just grateful that I can donate. 

This holiday season, I am grateful. For the small things that are unseen and just there for the time being and I know I am a recipient of grace from God. I am thankful for my life and everything in it, which is the opposite of my mentality during my 20s, 30s, and even early 40s. Back then, I was so disappointed that I was raped and I was mentally so depressed that I could not find anything that was worthy of grace. But, things are different now and I am grateful, and who knows... the best is yet to come!

#JustWrite.

It has been a sad week. I was sad about the election and the outcome of it. I wanted a woman President and she would have represented African and Asian Americans for all of us.

I voted, yet I felt my vote was ignored and it didn't amount to much compared to those in Wisconsin, or North Carolina or the other high electoral votes states. I felt that the voting process was already decided by white americans, both white men and white women, and my vote were lost in space. I felt a disparaging voice that never amounted to anything except the void of the loss. I felt like a woman before we were given the right to vote. It was already sad that women had to fight to vote, we weren't given the right, and now that we have the right, we're not allowed to become President. 

I felt even more devastated by the plethora of graphs that were flooding the social media about the breakdown of votes. I was sad that white americans both men and women were in majority were pro-Trump, but I was more sad that Asian Americans were not included in the graph. I knew that Asian Americans only make up less than 10% of the population in the United States, but we were still a part of the group of voters. We were completely ignored and our votes were not shown in the graphs that flooded the social media about who voted for Kamala vs. Trump. 

I really wanted Kamala to win, because for once, an Asian woman would have been recognized in office, whereas now and always, we have been ignored. I never see a camera on an Asian American congressman or congresswoman, and I couldn't even tell if there was any Asian Americans in office or not. I didn't see the social media news surrounding the Asian Americans senators or congressman who won the votes this time around. I felt with Kamala, Asian Americans would have more leverage and more platform that just the Crazy Rich Asians. I wanted a more legitimate platform and a more important role for an Asian American. I was really disappointed.

With Trump in office, there will be more slurs surrounding Chinese descent, and it will catapult to all Asian Americans and before we know it, the whole Anti-Asian Hate will rise again.

I promised myself today to not lose heart and to keep practicing the radical acceptance that I learned from therapy, but the risk felt too great.

I felt a risk beyond my control about racism that might happen to me, being Indonesian American and being a former immigrant, although I was naturalized. I felt like an animal seeking a home and acceptance with this Trump Presidency. It felt raw and hopeless and it felt like I needed to pray each day to keep the racists away. It felt bleak for me, because even in social media today, our votes were not shown in the breakdown of votes for Election 2024. I felt invisible.

I pray, each day and as always, The United States and its people won't become like Trump, although he is the President now. I pray we become better people, and a better country, not because of him, but because of the rest of us who still believe in the goodness of people, equality and equal opportunities, the right to health care and reproductive care, and many more. I will continue the good fight because I don't believe in Trump, and his Project 2025. I pray, there will be change.

#JustWrite