Diana Kurniawan

I love getting hugs from my coworkers. It doesn't matter what day it is, as long as I am working, I always give people a hug or ask for a hug from my close friends at work. I cherish every person who works there. Mind you there are days when the Honeypot Thief is lurking, but for the most part, the place is pleasant. 

This morning, I woke up sort of down in my mood, a bit of depression and perhaps even some fears too. Sometimes I don't know what is wrong with me, either, but my energy level wasn't very high this morning. I woke up with just a little fear and sorrow looming over me, and there was a feeling of impending loss. I went to work and listened to some music and got into a better mood.

I arrived at work and walked to my supervisor who assigned me to a register to look after.

The game changer was House. House is 6'5 with long dreds and light skin with dark eyes and dark hair. He reminds me on a stretched out Ice T vertically with a deeper voice. He's so funny and heart warming that I couldn't help but to ask him for a hug. "Give me hug, House," I told him. He came over and said, "Anytime for you," as he wraps me around his arms and I just felt a surge of comfort over me, flowing through my veins. I was so happy I asked him for the hug. We chatted for a minute and told him about my fears of growing old without experiencing marriage or being able to have a partner. I wanted to just even have a boyfriend, but all is at a loss. I am still just praying about it.

But, we all needed a hug from House. He was my game changer. Immediately, I felt better. Then Ted came and he was in his eighties but with a soft kind heart of an eight year old. His heart is made of the soft fuzzies found in stuffed animals and I really cherish working with him. He told me, "If you don't want to tell me, I won't quiz you," he said. I smiled and told him, "I'll tell you but we have to have a tea to sit down." I plan to bring some ice tea for Ted and House one day and we can chat in person, even standing up and just chatting over the register. IT will be joy and optimism of an afternoon spending time with Ted and House. 

These small moments really helps me. Really really really really x infinity helps me. It was joy over negative thoughts, optimism over pessimism, and so much love and hope over sorrow. I am so lucky to have them in my life and I am so lucky that I have a job there where I work. I am so thankful, and although this morning proved to be somewhat challenging, I was so happy afterwards when I came out, with blessings inside my veins. 

#JustWrite

A long drive to Westminster today turned out to be full of anxiety. My mind kept going on a loop of how things will become more expensive in life and I will have to keep up with this money hungry president. I went to the supermarket with my Mom and it was ezpensive! Everything went up by at least a dollar at HMart and the Chinese Market. We had to spend over a hundred for the things that used to cost us just a bit over fifty dollars. I don't know how I'm going to keep up with all this.

Then my mind went on a loop of how I might lose my Mom soon, and I don't know why I'm so terrified about this. She is vulnerable but still has life in her. I think I'm scared because she is becoming older and more fragile. I sat on the driver seat and realized that one day I will be driving home from HMart alone and I will be shopping for just myself. I tried to breathe but it became shallow and my anxiety came up. I was scared.

In times like these I tried to breathe and listen to music and tell myself that it was okay that I thought of those things. It was a thought that was coming up one day and I have to face it with a brave heart. It will be difficult and I will have to face trials, but I hope and pray that I will be strong enough to come out of it. Losing a parent is tough, and you either come out of it or you don't. I, thankfully, dedicated and spent A LOT of time with my parents and I didn't regret it. I could say that I gave my life to helping them and it was a matter of surrendering for me when my Papi passed away. I know it will be the same when I lose my Mami. 

I am toughening myself now, so when it comes time, and I know I won't be prepared for it, I will try to be prepared for it. I have time and in that, I will be patient with my Mom as much as I can. I promised myself that I will care for her until the day she passes this life to heaven. No matter how hard it gets, I will care for her. So far, it's been loving and I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of my Mami who has been a trooper too. Together we will enjoy life together, forever.

#JustWrite

After several weeks of moping around in my tumbleweed mentality of being a victim of The Honeypot Thief, I finally gained my senses. I realized that my gig ain't that bad and that person who stole my Honeypot, will get their reward coming anyhow. I didn't bother to say anything to my supervisor but I did mention it to the store director that people have been stealing in the kitchen area where my bag was stored. I was given a locker earlier this year and I think I will put it to good use. I finally found my password and it's going to be good for me to place my sacred items inside the locker. 

About the job, and my complaint about being in a rut, well, thanks to the Baristas at Starbucks, I had a moment of some Starbucks Barista Philosophy. It ain't bad. The gig and the whole life, I've got to take things one step at a time. It's not rocket science and the paycheck reflects it, but it's decent and my work is honest work. I don't mind and it actually reminds me of some other scenarios that I would rather NOT be in. Unemployment and homelessness.

I can't afford a Mercedes, but I don't really want a Mercedes, either. It's too much to upkeep and if I really have the money, I'd get a Nissan Electric car or a Toyota Electric Car or a Honda. Maybe I'm just a Japanese car type of gal, but who knows...fancy cars don't really interest me anymore. I can, however, afford to put in money for rent with my Mom, and get some goods from the groceries and pay some bills, which I consider courageous, brave and noble acts for my Mom and myself. It's been okay and I'm not complaining. I am grateful for the things I have in my life, and I need to enjoy what I have now with my Mom. 

My Mom won't be around forever and there are days when I'm thankful that I have a flexible job that I can take off certain days for doctor's appointments for her and to take her to church. I am grateful that I have that flexibility whereas with other jobs, I probably won't have the same supportive supervisory staff. I am grateful that my job allows me to talk to others and just be myself and to stay cheerful and talkative and just have a strong day, everyday, in terms of communications and interactions. Some jobs requieres you to stay in front of the computer for long hours, but my job forces me to talk and have conversations with people I don't know. It's a perk, I think. I became an extrovert because of my job. I will keep it together inside my head and heart, and realize that no one has a perfect life, and we can always appreciate what we have more and more.

I'm not upset anymore and I will take care of my things more carefully by placing them in my locker, and putting my name on it. It's a difficult trough that I went through with the stealing, but I am grown up now and just reminding myself that I won't let those small things ruin my job satisfaction.

#JustWrite