A long drive to Westminster today turned out to be full of anxiety. My mind kept going on a loop of how things will become more expensive in life and I will have to keep up with this money hungry president. I went to the supermarket with my Mom and it was ezpensive! Everything went up by at least a dollar at HMart and the Chinese Market. We had to spend over a hundred for the things that used to cost us just a bit over fifty dollars. I don't know how I'm going to keep up with all this.
Then my mind went on a loop of how I might lose my Mom soon, and I don't know why I'm so terrified about this. She is vulnerable but still has life in her. I think I'm scared because she is becoming older and more fragile. I sat on the driver seat and realized that one day I will be driving home from HMart alone and I will be shopping for just myself. I tried to breathe but it became shallow and my anxiety came up. I was scared.
In times like these I tried to breathe and listen to music and tell myself that it was okay that I thought of those things. It was a thought that was coming up one day and I have to face it with a brave heart. It will be difficult and I will have to face trials, but I hope and pray that I will be strong enough to come out of it. Losing a parent is tough, and you either come out of it or you don't. I, thankfully, dedicated and spent A LOT of time with my parents and I didn't regret it. I could say that I gave my life to helping them and it was a matter of surrendering for me when my Papi passed away. I know it will be the same when I lose my Mami.
I am toughening myself now, so when it comes time, and I know I won't be prepared for it, I will try to be prepared for it. I have time and in that, I will be patient with my Mom as much as I can. I promised myself that I will care for her until the day she passes this life to heaven. No matter how hard it gets, I will care for her. So far, it's been loving and I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of my Mami who has been a trooper too. Together we will enjoy life together, forever.
#JustWrite